3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm so fucking centered right now
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
