this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
