I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
