we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
