ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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