So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
