they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
