Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
