call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
