My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
