Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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