My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
