the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
