Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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