I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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