I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
