His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
