it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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