We named our party play list daddy issues
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
