youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
