are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
