Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
