I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
