he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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