I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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