were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
