At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Pooping to opera.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
