I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
