Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
