The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
