Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
