How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
