It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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