jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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