And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
