I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
