listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
