I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
