I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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