It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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