Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
