So drunk its hurt
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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