I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
