Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
