Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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