i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
