You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
