Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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