i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
