I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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