do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am available for nakedness
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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