break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
