Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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