god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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