so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
